Old Tyme

Three years ago we tricked each other into marriage. We’ve been together almost ten years, but it seems like forever. In a good way. So, in keeping up with my chronic procrastination, I didn’t sit down to make her a handwritten “thank you for putting up with me/oh, how I cherish you more every day” letter. I didn’t knock something off the honey-do list. But I also didn’t try and plan something, only to have it get sidetracked by her many over achieving extracurricular activities, ending up mad because I wanted to surprise her, but she didn’t fully know. See how I have learned. It only took three years.

We have grown to know more about each other than we should. We finish the other’s laugh, we guess the other’s stupid punchline, and she eats the last of the cookies. We are each other’s sounding board, each other’s enabler, and each other’s nemesis. “And we rely on each other, ah-ah.”

So, Arleta Library B&C ginger cookies, take-out Hawaiian chicken and promises of keeping cable so she can watch her “stories” - and then she heads for the other room. By that, I mean she left me to quietly watch Daily Show episodes, so she can work on her script. Oh, happy anniversary honey.

Again, I’d like to throw a shout out to Kristy and the Drurys, the Moms and Dads, all the Harmons, the Balmers, the Clines, the Nickels, all my work peeps, the shorties, David & Michael, the O’Rourkes, the kitties, the Ethiopian shepard who pondered why his flock got all jumpy after eating those coffea beans and all the wonderful people of the Arleta Libray Bakery & Cafe.

AND….

It was also three years ago today, that Krista walked into the back yard to pick flowers and ended up finding these two. This is Fivey and GoGo, cramming in the last few minutes of a sunbeam and apparently very unamused about our switch to Decaf. Today also, marked the first time that GoGo let any of the shorties, Flyboy and Tiny-E (Luke and Emmett) give her a hug. It only took three years.

I’m glad we all found each other,

-Kisses

For the past 20 years I have been using the term “yard apes” to describe little kids running rampant, as seen through the eyes of pets. I couldn’t remember where I picked it up and have never paid much attention. Recently I saw an article about an official in Louisiana, who, during the Katrina evacuations called the evacuees, “yard apes”. This was rightfully or wrongfully construed as a form of “porch monkeys.” Needless to say, even though Opus and the Bloom County cast (thanks, the internet) ingrained that phrase into my brain, I’m OK with letting it go.

I was thinking of ending with the quote from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “If we offend…”, but then remembered it was opposite of what I had in my mind.

“…it is with our good will that you should think we come, not to offend.”

“Comcast acknowledges that it hired people to take up room at an F.C.C. hearing into its practices.”

I’ve been on the fence about staying with our current Nettubeuberweb provider, which happens to serve up our tv and phone tambien. (<– that may be the first time my brain went for a Spanish word without my control.) (Also, I was in Spanish class a few hours ago, so not that big a deal I guess.) Anyway, everyone knows the choices for tv/internet/phone service are slim in this area, but we may dump tv altogether and lessen our phone service. We went without cable tv for years, back when we were in love.

The fact that Comcast either paid seat fillers or brought in their own employees to a FCC hearing, essentially blocking journalists and concerned folks from watching or possibly being heard, really pissed me off. I think I am a little naive, because I thought this kind of crap died off sometime around the advent of the talkies. You gotta hand it to them, that is pretty dickish thing to do. You’re doing a heck of a job, big company. Company that I pay money to. Please help destroy what little W hasn’t destroyed yet.

Someday I’ll blog happy stuff again.

A couple of nights ago I posted a bunch of stuff about how to get rid of junk mail, cutting down on phone books and why none of you should vote for Nader. While I slept, the intertubes did their black magic and somehow let my blog droppings out into the outer realms. Within hours, a couple of people left comments. No big thing, except for the fact that these comments were from persons associated with the Yellow Pages and the Direct Marketing realm. My first thought was, “Great, more spam.” My next thought was, “WTF?” My early morning brain took one congenial comment, “I’ll add your RSS Feed” as “I’ll keep watch on you.” The other was telling me that the paperlesspetition.org was bogus and should be removed. Thanks guy! Guy who’s email/IP address lead back to a website about how great and green the yellow pages are.

I went out and did some more research about the paperlesspetition.org. I guess that guy, Craig, from Craigslist.org is as big an idiot as I (and many other people) who have posted this info. Looking at blogs and newspapers with info about reducing the number of phone books, I started seeing a pattern. Pro-phone book comments from people who either have only posted one comment ever during their time on the interwebnets or have incredibly similar stories about how, “the best ROI I’ve ever had was with phone books…bs…bs…bs.” Thank you Mister 1990’s. I don’t want you to not have your phone book or be able to advertise in one. I just don’t want 6-7 various white/yellow pages in my house without asking. Can I come over to your house and leave three or four 1950’s TTY systems on your porch, every year? Like the one here on the left. Seriously, I have one left in the garage if you can move it.

Yesterday, Tanya hosted an Eco-gathering to help answer questions and provide ideas about how to lessen our wear and tear on Portland and the planet at large. One of the questions many of us had was about reducing the amount of junk-mail and stop receiving multitudes of phone books. There weren’t clear answers about the phone books, so I went on a fact finding mission. Sorry if this is long, but take what you need and leave the rest. And thanks again, Tan.

Disclaimer One: I am not saying that any of the following should be banned, (except maybe Matthew Lesko) I just want a way for people to opt-out of unsolicited advertising and in thereof, reducing everything that goes into or comes out of it.

Disclaimer Two: There are many people who probably still need/use this stuff, which is mainly for advertising purposes. Please don’t bother to estole their values, I don’t care. I understand some people want and should get these fliers, brochures, etc. Don’t care.

Disclaimer Three: In researching this info on the internets, I saw some unhappy individuals railing about the need for phone books in times of emergency. “What are you going to do if your gas line is leaking and you don’t have a phone book?” Well, I’m probably not going to go back into my house and lug the monster phone book back outside. I think I could maybe use my “mobile” phone or ask the neighbor to call the “operator”. They still have operators. Can normal people ever lift phone books anymore?

JUNK MAIL
To stop most unsolicited Junk mail, fill out info at http://www.OptOutPreScreen.com

You can also pay $1 and have the Direct Marketing Assoc. remove you from their lists at https://www.dmachoice.org/MPS/mps_consumer_description.php

My junk mail dropped about 80-90% after doing those two things. However, the 3 sources of junk mail that I continue to receive are:

* “ValuPak”
You may love them. Bully for you. If you don’t, go online and remove yourself by filling this out: http://www.coxtarget.com/mailsuppression/s/DisplayMailSuppressionForm

* Political
I know this is the main way that the little guy can get the word out. I would prefer not to have them waste the paper, ink, postal carrier’s time, my time, and then the recycling.

* Mortgage crap
The refinancing, extra payments, etc. stopped for a while, but have slowly started to creep back in. For the past few years I have received unsolicited fliers and post cards from local Realtors about the price of homes in my area being sold for $xxx and how I should think about selling mine. I had ignored them, even though they usually are on that thick, non-recyclable, glossy paper. But last year, I found a nice looking manila folder on our doorstep that a Realtor left which contained information about our original purchase price, how much they thought they could sell the house for now and then a bunch of my personal information. On my doorstep, someone left my personal information. I know that someone can go onto Portlandmaps.com and find out SOME of this, but I would prefer not to have a nice tidy brochure of my info, packaged up for someone to take off with an use it to acquire something in my name. If you too don’t think that could happen and that I am too paranoid, then quit reading my blog and f-off. I called the Realtor and asked that they not send me anything anymore. They balked and tried to talk around it. I repeated what I said above and they gave me guff. (Is that still a word?) I told them that it would do them no good to continue sending me anything, because I am not selling and if I am/would, it would not be through their stoopid ass. OK, I was much more polite, but I am building up my crazy old-man, get off my lawn thing.

JUNK PHONE
Join the National Do-Not-Call Registry at http://donotcall.gov
Thanks to congress last year, your registration will not expire - http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2007/10/dnctestimony.shtm

Yellow Book
1. Call 1-800-YB-Yellow (1-800-929-3556)
2. Press #3 for Operator or #2 and try to go through their system.
3. Ask to be put on the “do not deliver” list for any and all phone directories.

DEX
1. Call 1-800-422-1234
2. Press #4
3. Pressed #2 to speak with a “delivery support representative”
4. Ask to be put on the “do not deliver” list for any and all phone directories.

Verizon (published by Idearc Media)
1. Call 1-800-888-8448

National Info:
AT&T/YellowPages (formerly SBC and Bell South): 1-800-792-265
Dex: 1-877-243-8339
Yellow Book: 1-800-373-3280 or 1-800-373-2324

Sign the petition at PaperlessPetition.org, telling congress to make unsolicited phone book distribution illegal.

Mr. Negley (Neg) Norton
President, Yellow Pages Association (YPA)
Two Connell Drive, First Floor
Berkeley Heights, N.J. 07922-2747
(908) 286-2385
Neg.Norton@ypassociation.org

Yellow Pages Association (YPA)
Global Headquarters
Two Connell Drive, First Floor
Berkeley Heights, N.J. 07922-2747
(908) 286-2380
(908) 286-0620 (Fax)

Some info Gleaned from posting by Shelby Wood, Olivia Zaleski and others.

I’m taking advantage of the fact that Krista won’t be able to type tonight to say that one of the best purchases I’ve ever made (other than the flight to Ireland to ask her to marry me (please insert vomiting noise here)), was the Nintendo Wii and Guitar Hero III. I don’t have any pictures right now, because my hands can’t unclench. But more about that in a minute.

I’ve been trying to narrow down my hobbies and my general miscellaneous crap. I thought I should get rid of my old film cameras, to try and reengage in photography by getting a new digital SLR. However, I talk myself out of buying things I fear will be outdated in the near future. That and the fact that I should get my old film/negatives organized before I move forward. So, going back to last year, when Eric and Nami invited some of us over for a play-date, we all played Guitar Hero II. It was Hella-tizzite.(sp) I have coveted the game ever since and have kept trying to teach their dog to unplug the console and push it through the doggy door that may or may not exist. (probably not, because I could have just crawled though the door myself.)

(Have I mentioned how much I love these ( ) things?) parentithenai rawks!

We will unleash the might of this fully operational game console on the children sometime next year, after their parents get a whack at it first. We own the Wii Sports and the GH3 and have borrowed a handful of games from co-workers. Since the Wii is wireless and the remote (Wiimote) has motion sensors, it can be used in a wide range of movements/actions. It can be used as a racket, a golf club, baseball bat, sword, wand, saw, etc. The sports game is pretty cool in overall. You can use the two handed nunchuk for boxing as well.

I think multi-player games are the way to go. Watching someone play the Legend of Zelda for 2 hours is not as much fun as I would have thought. Just kidding, I love not playing something cool. Jerry, Krista and I have also tried out GH3. It is awesome. AWESOME!!! Who’da thunk that not actually playing a guitar to some songs that might have heard of would be some engrossing? They do have many great bands and songs. It took me 3 hours to type this, because I tried to play bass with the Wiimote itself, because we only have one guitar, because I couldn’t sit by and not start a band with my lovely wife, Red5. Instead of fingering on the frets, you have to use the friggin’ buttons on the little remote that is the size of a snickers.

Did I mention it is awesome? I played Weezer on my Wii…and to all a good night.

Someday, someone, somewhere will make a Wiitarboard, so I can play this classic by Pseudo Echo.

But not like this guy:

Thanks for helping us not be dumb and stuff. We all love you and miss you.

A few years ago we did a semi-good job of getting out the Christmas survey/wish lists out in time, but considering I half-arsed old lists together a few weeks ago and don’t even have my ready…until now.

Would you want a donation to a charitable group in your name?
S.M.R.T.
Arleta Triangle Project
Anyone in general who needs help

My favorite restaurants are:
Arleta Library Bakery & Cafe
Almost any Ethiopian Restuarant I’ve been to
Krista’s Paprikash Kitchen
Screen Door

Restaurants I’ve never tried are:
Clark-Lewis
Alexis

If I could do something or go somewhere that you always say you will but never do, what/where would that be?
I’ve never been on the Williamette (I figured I didn’t even need to say IN the Williamette)
I keep saying I’m going to go rent a Fire Lookout Cabin

What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Opening one present on Christmas Eve
Snow

Are there any musical instruments that you would like to try?
Guitar, piano, drums

What is a new tradition you’ve wanted to start?
Christmas Caroling or ‘Nog Roaming

Favorite childhood books, series, authors or illustrators that you miss or haven’t thought of/seen for years?
If anyone ever figures out what that friggin’ chicken book was, I will buy them the big box of VooDoo Doughnuts.
I wish they still had kids magazines like Cricket or National Geographic World.
I don’t know why someone hasn’t done a Choose Your Own Adventure interactive video or internet thing.

Books I know of and would love to read but have not yet purchased or checked-out of a library:
Sadly, I have books from last Christmas and Birthday that I haven’t read. I am trying to clean up my muddled office and life, so i can specifically have time for reading and hobbies and teaching the nieces and nephews how to rock!

Singers/performers that I really dig and would like to hear more from:

Peter, Bjorn and John



Midlake


New music that makes me remember the excitement of finding something that clicks and then joy of sharing it with othersType of class, event, festival, performance, show, etc. that I would like to attend:
Guitar Hero lessons
Guitar lessons
Hero lessons
Photography class

Are there meals or food that you like, but don’t like making yourself?
Bacon. I never get bacon right, because I don’t take the 30 seconds to go down and get our bacon skillet.
I can’t make a good Borscht to save my life.

Please don’t buy me any for I have too many, too much or really dislike (i.e. dishes, perfume):
Underwear (Clothes in general is verboten)
DVDs (Netflix and Library treat us OK)

What kind of board games or games you would like to have at your house for your family?
Someone to play Stratego with

If you could give some other kid one toy or book that you love, what favorite toy or book would that be?
Never Tease A Weasel and that friggin chicken book

Are there any hats, gloves, helmets or safety pads that you need for outdoor playing?
Bike Helmet, always Bike Helmet

Last night, Krista and I went to the Aimee Mann 2nd Annual Christmas concert. Apparently she is a big fan of variety shows. Last time she was here, she brought Patton Oswald as the Emcee. (Known to some as the voice of the Remy, from Ratatouille.) This show, she brought the famous comedian Paul F. Tompkins He was pretty damned funny. The musical acts were interspersed with videos of her trying to find a celebrity to come emcee. John Krasinski, Ben Stiller, Bob Odenkirk and even Patton didn’t think comedy and music should mix. Then the camera panned over to Weird Al reading in bed with Patton, that was rather unexpected.

I was still bumming that The Decemberists concerts were canceled, but guess who showed up last night…The Decemberists! Sans their lead singer, Colin Meloy. So, now we know who the sick member of the group is. (They canceled the tour due to illness.) They did a couple of songs with and without Aimee Mann. Meh. A light that shined brighter was the eclectic Nellie McKay. Check out her A Christmas Dirge. (I am not becoming anti-X-mas, but I think this pretty tune should be added to the Christmas Carol lexicon.)

Right after I finished rooting around in boxes of obsolete video and computer crap, I sat down to watch this short film. Because I must watch (most) everything BoingBoing.net tells me to, so must you. If you have 15-20 minutes and maybe some kids lying around, here is the cradle to grave of all our crap. The Story of Stuff.
Annie Leonard explains in simple enough terms the what, where, why, how and to whom we are slowly screwing. With “planned obsolescence” and “perceived obsolescence”, you may want to take some time to think if you really need to buy the Borat talking bottle opener “I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood?”, that PlayStation4 or the now-old iPhone.This is the information we try to ignore everyday. Happy Holidays.